Brandy. Bran for short. I’ve been known over the years under a few different pen names (the result of an ever evolving and growing writer, or that could just be an excuse for my indecisiveness and the ever changing tides in my life) – “ShadowedHeart,” the “SparkleNinja,” “Brouhaha Brulee,” “FrankieB.” And now, I’ve come full circle and just taken it back to the basics. Back to my name. My actual, real name, and the nickname I was tagged with as a child.
Gone are the desires to be someone I’m not. I’m an original, from-birth-mess – not even named after any other familial mess or hero (yes, I am the only child of 5 born of my father who was NOT named after SOMEONE. #truestory). I suppose because they knew eventually I’d make my own name one to be remembered – whether in shame or as a decent role model we have yet to decide.
I’m a mama and a wife. I work hard at both and fail miserably every single day. Thank God for His grace and the love and forgiveness of my children and husband. I am so very blessed to be theirs and that they are mine, even on the worst days and in the depths of the biggest struggles. There is nothing in this human realm that I love more than my children or my husband. Nothing.
I am a “professional”. Almost 20 years now I have been negotiating contracts. It is a love-hate relationship and if I am being honest, the perfect career for me but also one that leaves an empty spot (more to come on that later). I am blessed to be able to do my job from home for a wonderful company.
I am a bookworm. I love having the opportunity to sit down with a good book, a soft, fuzzy blanket, and a hot cup of tea. Unfortunately, with the busyness of life – I don’t get to do that often, but when I do, it is a total reset and recharge for me – it truly does my mental well-being a world of good.
I love Jesus. I am a hot mess express with a topping of sinfulness every single day. And I wouldn’t be here today to even write this blog but for the grace of God and the sacrifice of Jesus Christ and all the good He has done in my life, even when I wasn’t paying attention. One day, I will share my testimony – but today, just know that Jesus is my closest and best friend. And while I am imperfect and messy and undeserving of His mercy, He has graced me with it anyway.
If you don’t know Him, trust me when I say that He is waiting for you – arms wide open – and no matter how far away from Him you may think you are, it is only ONE STEP into his embrace. You are never too broken, too dirty, too “bad,” or too anything for Jesus.
I survive depression, c-PTSD, Panic Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I kick their butts some days, and some days, they hand my heart to me, bloody and broken on a platter. It’s a give and take relationship and frankly speaking, it sucks. But here we are.
I love tacos, iced coffee, hot tea, Coke (zero), chili, hot wings and homemade salsa.
I love to watch Christian TikTocs and listen to K-Love.
I’m not a big pizza fan, but if I’m gong to have it on my plate, can we please do something other than pepperoni or sausage – give me a Casey’s breakfast pizza, taco pizza or a supreme pizza.
I laugh out loud at quirky jokes and awkward humor, but have a very low tolerance for “funny ignorance.”
My favorite colors are wine red, deep purple and indigo.
I love poetry and art and crafty stuff (that I totally suck at).
I cry at sappy movies and get angry over injustice.
I love the smell of rain and fresh coffee and lemon buttercake.
I love Maine Coon cats & bulldogs and sloths and llamas and giraffes and big fluffy cows and ostriches.
I love the sound of wind chimes blowing in the breeze. I like to listen to thunderstorms but panic at the first hint of a tornado.
I’m not a fan of arachnids, snakes, or flying insects (especially those with stinger butts).
I hate temps above 85 degrees and below 40 degrees and I cannot sleep if I am too hot.
As some of you know (yes, I’m talking to you OG readers from the old SparkleNinja days) – I tend to be slightly sarcastic with a bit of odd humor. I like to think that I’m funnier in writing than I am in person, but that’s only because the words definitely come out better when I write them (or type them) than they do if I actually have to SAY them.
I have to be honest when I say that I fully believe that there’s a key link missing between my mouth and my brain and that said missing link has actually been placed between my right hand and my brain. There is no doubt that what I write is often twice as intelligent as what I speak. (Come on, OGs, tell me I’m wrong.)
I’ve had my moments, don’t get me wrong – we all have those moments when we say something that makes so much sense we surprise ourselves – but I definitely do not claim any amount of genius or superpower.
With that said – I suppose I should then answer the question I’ve often asked myself: Why write? Why pay for a domain? Why spend so much time customizing a web page? (I promise, it is agonizing time as I truly just want to do the writing things, not the customizing thing and webpage-building thing, but if it doesn’t “look” good, no one is going to stick around long enough to read a darned thing.)
The answer is truly more simple than I’d like to admit.
I can change the world with my writing.
I am being held hostage and forced to write as my fingertips bleed.
I am an expert on … something.
I really am a genius, but only when the ink hits the paper.
I’m getting paid to write this blog.
I am a writer.
See, super exciting.
I’m a writer. I have been a writer for as long as I have been able to hold a pencil. It is part of me – of who I am. And though there have been periods in my life where my writing was not made public – there ALWAYS has been and ALWAYS will be writing.
So no, I am not an expert on anything. I am not a genius. I don’t get paid to write this blog (or any other). And, I am not being held hostage and forced to write.
I’m just a writer.
And every once in a great while, I write something that really hits home with someone else – someone who is able to relate to my experience or who finds themselves asking the same questions I ask. Someone who was scrolling the internet wondering if anyone else thinks like they do or has the same opinions they do or has been through the same struggles they’ve been through.
Every now and then, someone reads my words and for just a moment, feels just a little less alone. It’s those moments that keep me writing. It’s the messages I get, thanking me for my honesty and for revealing myself in a way that (s)he could relate to. It’s the “me too” comments and the “I thought it was just me” messages.
That’s why I write. Because that’s part of who I am. And the “who I am” may help someone else get through their day.
And with this, I think we have gotten a basic introduction aside for all my new readers – welcome to the tribe. You’re already loved. We’ll talk again soon.
Until Next Time,
Bits O' Bran 